A PERFECT DESCRIPTION...
...of all that I feel.
Black Peppercorns, A Song For Natalia:
Well I saw her bending low down by the water
Carrying burdens that no man could ever bear
She said I just lost a part of me
I lost my child
And the ghost of the midwives over there still standing by
Calling all angels to comfort those who mourn
Unpitied and helpless, she's all alone
Not a man in the universe, this pain you could never know
Is this her reward God, for her labors and her troubles
She's just trying to find peace in the struggle
She's just trying to find peace in the struggle
She says hello to the darkness, her closest companion
Have you come to sing to her with a lullaby of suffering?
Why do women give and the giving never ceases?
She's in such a hard place, oh, and she's trying to be brave
Between the things she wants and the things she has to do
Oh, give her a token, give her a sign
A hope of some praise, she can't stand the rejection
And the dread of shame continually hovers
Yeah, she's just trying to find peace in the struggle
She's just trying to find peace in the struggle
Every time I hear this song or read it's lyrics I am flooded with emotion. It describes, with surprising accuracy exactly how I feel and where I am at. "She can't stand the rejection... And the dread of shame continually hovers". It is like a never ending torrent of shame and fear and doubt and self-loathing. I wonder, will there ever be a break in the storm? Will the waters stop crashing all around me for a moment, so that I can catch my breath and begin to surface, rather than sink further and further into this ocean of despair and dread? Will the peace ever come? Will the struggle ever subside? Or will it be ever constant; always raging on...
Where is my peace?
Am I capable of finding it? Does it even exist out there in the chaos and misery that this world has become? Or... am I destined to simply struggle and never find peace? How do I stop feeling alone? How do I keep going when everything is falling to pieces around me? I am a sinking ship; creaking and moaning with the strain of being pulled deeper and deeper. Somewhere up there is hope. Right?
"Unpitied and helpless, she's all alone"
"We can alter brain anatomy in a positive love direction or a negative fear direction by how and what we choose to think, choices we make and succeeding actions, behaviors and words we speak. It's entirely up to us." Dr. C. Leaf
ReplyDelete