"DARE TO DREAM AND DON'T GIVE UP"

SOME SPLENDID WORDS

"... no matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible. And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream and don't give up..." 

-Marketa Irglova, Oscar Acceptance Speech

"Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there, I did not die"

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

"The air was thick and exotic with intrigue and moonlight and adventure." 

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

"... hope at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are."

 -Marketa Irglova, Oscar Acceptance Speech

"Fear is a liar."

-Crossfit

"But this estranged organ in my chest still beats for you

It will not rest, so meet me in our secret place

When the time has come

Rest your head in my lap

And I'll lead you out of your own trap

And I'll show you how much you have missed 

Through the time we weren't right"

-The Swell Season, I Have Loved You Wrong

CAR TALKS AND GOD TALKS

WHISPERS FROM FATHER

"I truly believe that for the few minutes I was being born, God stopped time and wept at my perfection. I truly believe He reached down, held me, and whispered to me,"I'm rooting for you kid.'"

Sitting in the car driving to have dinner with David and Mr. and Mrs. Welch; for some reason or another this moment in Becca's life was recalled. In that moment when she recalled this extraordinary experience she shared with the Lord, I just wanted to weep. In those quiet moments when you hear Him speak to you so unmistakably clear; it is like time stops. Those moments are nothing less than amazing.

I can recall times when I had a moment that the Lord spoke softly and sweetly to my spirit and how it touched me to the very core. These words that He gave her, so eloquently written, draw up a deep yearning for quiet moments of awesome power with the Holy Spirit within me. Those words that He spoke to her; that she so benevolently shared with me, touched my heart. I felt that I shared in that moment with her. It drew up deep and lingering emotion.

I believe wholly that He shares a moment like the one Becca wrote of with each of His children. That thought touches something within me so yearning for a Father. I just sit and ponder on the emotions and feelings of the Lord. He must feel so deeply for each of us. In those moments when we are being born into this world I can see Him smile like a big proud father. I can hear Him saying, "Look at what I have created. Nothing short of beautiful, nothing short of glorious, nothing short of mine..."

I believe completely just as Becca said, that He weeps over us with utter and complete joy. I believe He whispers to us words of affirmation and love. I believe He touches each of us, sending us into the world with a blessing and a purpose. I believe He roots for us with everything within Him. He wants only to see us prosper.

I feel blessed that Becca shared with me this experience. In a way it breaks my heart; but at the same time, it refreshes and revives it. His love is great and powerful and everlasting. How incredible a thought that is! I pray that I can have some quiet moments with the Lord to allow Him to whisper to me. I miss those moments. They bring so much life.

(Sidebar, this song came on while I wrote the majority of this post. This is what I believe the Lord sings over us. He more than loves us, more than wants us. From the highest heights and the deepest depths, He loves.)

"...What I'm really trying to say is

I more than love you

I more than want you

I more than love you

From the depths, from the depths of me

I more than love you

I more than want you

You’ve left me speechless

I more than need you

Words fail..."

-Monica Silva, WORDS FAIL

I EARNED MY STRIPES

A TIGER WORTH LOVING

I am worth loving...

I AM WORTH LOVING.

I AM WORTH LOVING!

That is far too often easily forgotten.

Most people struggle with self -worth

I am no different. I don't always feel great about myself.

One moment I think, "Man, I am a spectacular human being!"

And the next moment I think quite the opposite.

I really loathe that double-mindedness.

I would like to like myself all of the time.

I would like for other's to like me all of the time.

But the fact is, that is not very likely to ever happen.

Like many other people in this wide world, I don't give myself enough credit.

I allow others to treat me poorly or let others affect me adversely.

I forget that I deserve better.

Or perhaps it isn't that I forget, but rather that I do not believe.

I am working on that.

My opinion of myself should not be encumbered by the opinion of others.

Many people judge hastily or harshly.

Many people take little to no time to truly get to know others on a deep and personal level.

I have based my worth for far too long on the poor opinions of others.

If I were an avid curser... cusser... If I often used dirty words I would say "I am a mother-fucking TIGER! Don't mess with me. I am strong and I am beautiful and I can eat your head off you wee little sheep!" But, I am not an avid user of "four letter words". 

so instead I will say, "I am a tiger. And I have no time for the opinions of weak minded sheep. Back off!" That somehow seems so much less effective.

Either way, I believe my point has been made.

So while things have been difficult, to say the very least; I have extraordinary worth. I am a tiger and tiger's are spectacular creatures. I am strong and I am a fighter and I WILL make it. I will survive.

I'M READY FOR BRIGHTER...

REMEMBERING TO FORGET MY FEARS

FEAR AND CONFRONTATION

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

I, like many people before me and I am sure many people after 
have had to stare fear down in the face a time or two.

More often than not however, I cower, I flee, I hide, 
or I never stand up to begin with.

I do not want to be that way.

I have seen horrors a plenty and I am still here.

I CAN take "the next thing that comes along".

I simply need to remember that; remember where I have been
so that I can tell my fears where they are going.

It is no easy task, dealing with fear.

But it certainly is better than the alternative.

EINSTEIN... GENIUS!

This quote by Albert Einstein showed up three or four times in two days.

I believe that that makes it important. I believe that because it appeared so many times in such a short period of time that it was meant to speak something to me. And it did.

I wish that I could be more exceptional at certain things that I am somewhat less than wonderful at doing. It aggravates me to no end when I cannot do something exceedingly well. And when I do not do something just as good as or better than someone else, I often times feel like less of a person. That's kind of idiotic, I know... but it's what happens none the less. I want to be good at ALL the things.   :) 

I am learning to be okay with not being good at everything.

Some people just are. I am not one of those people.

But that doesn't make me less of a person.

That doesn't make me stupid.

I am done trying to be the fish that can climb a tree.

That isn't what fish were made for.

But man can a fish swim!

So, I'm going to swim...

I am going to be okay with the things in which I excel.

And I am not going to focus on the things in which I do not do superior.

I leave you with this:

MY HOPE IS NOT WAYWARD

THIS TIME

"I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back? Could I get you off my mind?"

As it now stands; the waters are stagnant with no prospect of a burst of wind to move me onward. That is not to say that my own hope is wayward by any means.

I find that I am surprisingly encouraged...

Perhaps there is not wind at the moment to propel me onward; but that just means I have a little more time to soak in the water and swim.

It is refreshing, restorative, exhilarating.

It gives me much needed time to focus on, and consider what is possibly to come next for me in this tempestuous adventure.

I am in no hurry to find out what dream I may have had that could come to fruition.

The world is a wide open place full of interminable possibilities.

If I attempt to analyze and repress every little new thing; I am never going to live.

Not truly...

So right now, I am just enjoying the ride.

Or the stillness of waiting...

And this time...

I'M OKAY

NEW FACES AND NEW PLACES

ONE WEEK AGO

I left everything I know for a new place.

One week ago I took with me the majority of my clothes and nothing more.

To start over again.

 Fresh.                              Clean. 

A new beginning to an overdue end.

It was terrifying!

It IS terrifying!

I like to think I could be a nomad... a vagabond of this world.

The idea is very romantic and appealing.

But I am learning about myself that I have more roots than I first thought.

I like going new places. I definitely have that sense of adventure within me.

But I like to know I will soon go home.

The world is not my home. Each new place never settles for me as home.

Home is where my mom is. Home is where my family lives.

And not knowing if or when I will return petrifies me.

Somewhere along the way my wings were clipped and my roots dug in.

This is definitely an adventure. And a learning experience.

I realized that I am afraid of getting a job here.

Because once I get a job, that means I am REALLY here.

A job will definitely make things more permanent.

And I am afraid of that.

Perhaps it is childish considering I am only a state away from my family.

But being away has made me see just how much I want to be near them.

I feel as if I am missing out on important moments in their lives.

I don't like missing out.

So, I need something to keep my over active brain from dwelling on "home".

Because that doesn't help at all.

Dwelling...

The possibilities are practically limitless. 

Starting over is exciting and I hope to start over well.

I just need to deal with this ever constant fear of making new roots.

I like my old ones... but I just may have to make new.

I have to...

DO IT AFRAID.