"JAR OF HEARTS"

THIS IS HOW I FEEL...

Wholeheartedly and completely...

I was watching some YouTube videos last Thursday night of previous dances done on "So You Think You Can Dance"; I am a dance fiend, used to dance, wish I still did. I love everything about it. It is beautiful, it tells a story, it moves you and makes you feel something. It transports you and transforms you. It is amazing. Clearly I am a fan. Dance really is not what this post is about though... I watched a dance duet performed to Christina Perri's "Jar of Hearts" which is a favorite of mine. It really does describe how I feel. It explains my feeling in a beautiful, soulful way.

I have ranted about my love for music and sometimes the only thing that makes sense is a song. Sometimes you can't put something into words, but then you hear a song and it is like... "That's it!" I had that moment watching the duet. I had heard the song many times and felt a personal connection to it, but for some reason it suddenly hit me just how much that song was everything that I feel. It is sort of uncanny, really. So, here are the lyrics (the bold grey are parts that speak the most to my feelings).

"Jar Of Hearts"
Christina Perri 

No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

[Chorus: x2]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

It's almost sad to admit that this is how I feel...

 But it is the truth. It IS how I feel and I can't change that. Maybe it isn't that it is sad to admit, rather that the fact that it's the truth makes me sad. I think it is more that than sadness for admitting it. It is a sad feeling to have. I'm not sure there's even a good word for it. 

AND SO, THERE IT IS...