OH, MY TENDER HEART

LAST NIGHT...

I lay in bed pondering in a desperate attempt to make the minutes pass by so that I could find some solace within the arms of sleep. It was well past one in the morning and I was desperately tired, so I decided not to get back up and write. Here are my pondering's.

I have never been that girl that get's noticed or hit on (to my knowledge anyway).

I am exceptionally tall (I think that throws people off).

I don't have the body of a Victoria Secret model.

My eyebrows always seem out of control because it hurts so bad to pluck them.

My pores are huge.

My finger nails are always short and broken.

My smile is funny.

My teeth aren't straight.

I have a weird laugh.

...

But my heart.

Oh, my heart is tender and caring and beautiful.

I love abundantly and unconditionally.

I listen wholeheartedly.

I speak the truth to the very best of my ability.

I try to be a servant in all thing's.

...

My heart is not held to the same standard of beauty as my physical appearance. And that is idiotic. The heart is where absolute beauty lies.

...

I am a good person. I can say that wholly, without feeling arrogant or self-righteous because it is true. I AM a good person.

But that isn't enough for people.

And I don't like that.

I should be judged by the content of my spirit, not the size of my boobs.

I should be judged by my treatment of other's, not the shape of my body.

I should be judge by no one but God.

...

We live in a world where we are expected to be Pamela Anderson's when we should be trying to be Audrey Hepburn's.

Sadly, we traded in class, grace, poise, and love for skimpy, slutty, skanky, hatred.

That is not okay...

...

I definitely don't want to attract the type of man that is looking for a Pam Anderson.

But I want to be attractive. I want to be wanted. I want to be noticed.

It is nice to stick out to someone. To be chosen, I suppose.

That has never been me... It kind of hurts.

...

Going back into a world where there are these outrageous dating standards is intimidating. It is hard to put yourself out there with the high chance of rejection. And I know all about rejection... I guess the whole point in this is that I am scared. I want to be wanted and I am afraid that won't happen. Even if I am a Pam (not that I ever would be, I prefer Audrey all the way).

...

At some point you have to get close enough to see my heart.

And maybe you will see my pores as well... cause they are THERE!

But will you choose to notice my physical attributes and hold them higher than my spiritual attributes? I deserve to be read through, not simply glanced over based on the cover (yep... THAT book analogy; I definitely just did that).