PAIN AND ITS FALLOUT

I have sat down to write this many times. I have never really succeeded. I don't exactly know why I so feel the need to write it. To be able to properly describe a feeling with words is quite difficult. There are more than enough words to describe every emotion, every feeling; but somehow I can never find the right ones. I identify so much with this feeling and I just want to be able to put it into words. The trouble with that is that it is very possible there is no way to accurately describe it.

In the midst of some troubling times I have felt many thing's. Thing's that I find difficult to really come to grips with or understand. I have been so emotionally hurt that my entire being physically ached from the pain...

 My limbs shook and burned and trembled. 

My heart physically ached as if it were slowly filling up; on the verge of exploding. 

My eyes welled in overabundance with tears. 

My breaths labored, struggling to take even a fragment of air into my lungs. 

My words mangled in my throat, unwilling to give me permission to speak them out into the universe. 

The words I so needed to burst forth from within me. 

Every touch burned.          Every glance stung.          Every consolation fell upon deaf ears.

And then the fallout...

Such pain is difficult to describe and more so to recall without dredging up the memories of all that crashed together to bring the pain about. But I have a deep seeded need within me to describe this instant. This moment when everything could be felt and nothing could be felt all at once. Like the death of a star, resulting in an explosion that creates a black hole. A pain so big it maims you permanently. It changes you. And what little is left behind could end up being catastrophic.

I would like to think that no one else could possibly understand all that I describe. I want for no one to feel that pain. But I am certain I am not the only one. Perhaps my need to write about this is so that someone out there can see they are not alone. Other's have been there. And survived... To this point anyhow.

While maimed and waiting for catastrophe to strike, I am still here. And that has to count for something.