MONTHS LATER

I tend to do this... I warned you at the beginning. I begin a journal, a blog, a letter... But I rarely finish.

I am not a finisher... It's my curse.

So here we are, months later; so many things have changed. And yet this post will be no different than the many before it. Because I am lonely.

Mind you, I am lonely because I have been sick and unable to keep myself otherwise preoccupied. It is in times of sickness and being far away from "home" (which is relative, really, nearly meaningless) that I become dismal. I miss having the ability to look upon my mother at a moments whim. I miss waking up in the morning knowing she is there, in the kitchen, the basement, the landing... Easily accessible.

Before Christmas I missed my family, but I had a timeline to follow and then I would see them. That time has come and gone and now there is no timeline. That has made it very difficult once again to be here. I have no date to which to look forward. There is no countdown any longer. I am not one that likes not knowing when I may see someone again. I want to know that I can see you at any given time, even though that is entirely unrealistic. I know I cannot and shall not see my family anytime in the near future and so I feel blue.

And that is where I leave it.