Enigma...

I am "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma"...

Even though the above quotation was first spoken about Russia by one, Winston Churchill... my thoughts today have been that very thing. 

I am an enigma to myself. Not even I understand my thoughts or my feelings. 

I do not know the things I want. I do not know what or how I genuinely feel most of the time. I do not know where I hold responsibility and where I do not.

Where have I failed? What are my flaws? What do I believe in? What do I stand for?

If anything at all... I baffle myself entirely.

I wonder silently if I am the only one that has this problem? Am I the only one in the entire world that has trouble deciphering my own thoughts? Feelings? Belief? 

There must be others. It is rare that you are truly alone in any kind of circumstance. 

For the most part there are generally multitudes of other people going through a situation exactly like your own... I feel there should be some kind of solace in the fact that I am not alone in this. But there is none. It only solidifies my confusion further.

I begin to ask why there are so many people that are so lost or confused... why do we not understand ourselves? Why can I not answer some of the basest questions in life for myself? That cannot be normal!

I need help. I need hope and faith and love... and I am fresh out. Where do I go from here? Is there an up? Is there an out? Is there a light at the end?

I do not see it...

 Or is it that I simply do not understand it? I cannot grasp it because I am an enigma... and nothing makes sense.

Where is the answer?